Sauce

When you’ve got a blurry-eyed San Franciscan in London and a Launcestonian on the other side of the world, several beers into his Friday night, you’d think it was the perfect recipe for comedy to happen. You be the judge as Tom Wilson attempts to talk lesbian chat-room technique and beer with off-the-clock comedian, Arj Barker…

What’s the strangest thing about British people? Is it true they all drink warm beer?
No, no, I haven’t noticed that. The beer’s pretty cold, but they like to drink. But I find every nation thinks they drink a lot and that they’re special in that way. You know, and you’ve got Australians who think, “Ahh, fuck we love to drink beer!” …it’s like, we’re British and we love to drink our beer, you know? You’ve got Ireland, Scotland, America… I mean, everyone claims that they love beer, but apparently… it’s pretty common I think.

[Laughs] It’s a strange pride, like, “Yeah, we’re a nation of alcoholics, go us!”
Yeah, it’s pretty tasty wherever you go. It’s pretty good shit… I kinda drink too much. It’s not good for you. It’s kind of fun, I guess…

Yeah, well, in the state I’m in now I’d agree with you. Before this interview, literally five minutes ago, I went to your website for the first time… mate, the nude shots – why did you think that was a good idea?
It says right on there [I’m not sure] but I’m assuming you’re not a lady, but it says “Ladies Only” right there on the link…

Come on, if you put up a sign saying “do not click here…”
That’s true…

Who hasn’t gone into a lesbian chat room just for the novelty value? Maybe that is just me…
I don’t know, I posted those up a long time ago. That’s probably the most frequently clicked on link on my whole website, so you know what they say, sex sells, and…

You’re a sexy guy! You should flaunt it! My god!
I was pretty ripped back then, that’s for sure.

There’s one thing out of all the questions I’ll ask you this is probably one of the only serious ones – one perception people have of comedians is that they’re funny all the time, like they’re really sharp or they’re really witty, like… they’re always on. What do you think? Are you “on” right now?
No… if they think that, that’s a misconception. Comedians are pretty normal when they’re not on-stage – most comedians, I mean there are always exceptions. They range from being perfectly well-adjusted to being morose to being downright depressed. I mean, just like anyone; a typical person’s range. One thing they’re not is funny all the time, I guarantee that… anyone that’s “on” all the time is really irritating, you know, so no-one can really be that because they wouldn’t have any friends… maybe when you first start you think you have to be a comedian all the time, but you learn pretty quick you can just relax. You’ve nothing to prove once you’re on-stage. Nobody really guesses I’m a comedian if they meet me outside of comedy. They think I’m like a… I don’t know… but that’s not their first guess, I can tell you that. I’m kind of like, undercover… “Save it for the stage!” - that’s my motto.

So what is their first guess – what do people normally think that you do?
I think they might think I’m a… I’m not on stage, I can’t think of anything funny… they think I’m a… I’ll have to pass on that question!

That was the serious question. Bugger it, I’m interviewing a comedian here – tell me about your first love. Who was your first love?
I had a lot of unrequited first loves. I had a lot of crushes on various people. I didn’t get any love back. My first girlfriend was about eighteen or so. She was a year older – a year-and-a-half older. She was one of my older sister’s best friends growing up. A lovely girl. That was pretty cool. Sarah Creighton was my first love. She’s married now, has a couple of kids, doing well.

Do you have a girl in your life at the moment? Or a boy? I mean, come on, you come from San Francisco – it’s a fair assessment.
Do I have a girlfriend right now?

Yeah.
Come on man, I’m about to tour Australia for three months [Laughs].

You wouldn’t wanna be tied down, would you!
That’s a terrible idea! The worst I’ve heard!

Fair enough, I take that back completely, I see your point!
[So] no I don’t actually…

So, Something I saw on YouTube – what can you tell me about “Arj and Poopy?”
It’s this cartoon series that my partner, my business partner – he’s an animator [who] lives in Sydney, a world-class animator, and we just made this series together. And he’s just emailed me today [Laughs] He’s like, “Did you by any chance get any letters or maybe ten reminders that our… comic was about to expire?” I guess it had expired, but he like, caught it in time and bought it for another ten years. I was the one who originally bought it, so it was… kind of… not my fault… I always think it’s spam when I see that thing [to do] with domain names. So I kind of fucked up.

What motivated you to do the cartoon thing?
He did it – he animated some of my jokes and sent it to me. Then I said, “Wow, that’s really good,” and we started working together. So it’s almost more his idea, and then we created Poopy so I’d have someone to hang out with because I didn’t have any friends… we don’t put them out too regularly, but we are planning on putting out new ones – people like them! I didn’t set out to say, “Oh, I need to have a cartoon” – it just kind of fell into my lap, I was lucky. Because, at the time, he was working for Disney in Sydney, you know? It’s pretty lucky because he’s one of the best animators out there. He’s at the top of his field. Now we’re good friends, but it was quite lucky really…

Arj Barker appears at The Princess Theatre on August 24.

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